I'm not starting this blog in order to be trendy. Just how all of this information has been from my point of view. I will try my best to keep everyone updated this way to get the information out.
Breast Cancer
Breast cancer is a disease in which malignant (cancer) cells form in the
tissues of the breast. The damaged cells can invade surrounding tissue,
but with early detection and treatment, most people continue a normal life.
My mother has been diagnosed with Invasive Lobular Carcinoma. She has decided through numerous debate to have a double mastectomy on Monday, October 11, 2015.
By no means has this been easy to comprehend, talk about, think about, or even imagine going through it. Everything has happened so fast that I'm not sure how to wrap my head around it half the time.
September 18
Mom goes to her appointment for her first biopsy. I didn't know at the time that she was having a biopsy. I guess I thought she was just having a surgery to see what was going with her. Little did I know that my family's world would be flipped upside down in a few days.
September 21
Monday. I was thinking about the results from her surgery all day at school, work, and tumbling. I decided not to text or call her during the day because I knew she would show up to tumbling, like always, and I'd ask her there in person. As she was standing at the coach's desk INSIDE the gym, I bravely asked her what the results were. I'm not sure how she didn't burst out crying or how I didn't fall to the ground right there. The results came back positive for cancer. The only thing I could think of that was a tiny bit positive was NEW BOOBIES!!! Though it probably wasn't the best reaction, it was the only thing I could think of. My mom smiled, not only that but laughed. She said that was the first time she had laughed all day and probably the only time in upcoming weeks. I managed to go back to tumbling like nothing was wrong and it was just another day. In all honesty, it was probably good that I was at tumbling since it's such a good distraction for me. It's about one of the only places that I only think about the thing I'm surrounded by and not everything else in my life. Usually I look forward to my drive back to Ames since I find it quiet relaxing, but not tonight. I wanted to be home. To pretend that this day hadn't happened. That the results had been different. But nothing was going to change that. I don't even remember if I told my boyfriend the results when I finally got back home, knowing me I probably didn't.
September 22
School was normal on Tuesday, except the slight fact that I was going to have to juggle devastating news and school. And school the next two weeks was going to be hell. Between homework, exams, labs, and the career fair, I would now be keeping tabs on my mom.
September 23
2:15 appointment to meet with Surgeon. Mom (and Dad) found out exactly which "type" of breast cancer Mom has. Invasive Lobular Carcinoma impacts 10% of all the cases, not exactly a 'fun' statistic. There's two choices Mom could take: a mastectomy or a lumpectomy and radiation.
I text Mom later at night once I have finally started to relax from my day to see how the appointment went. She called and gave me the updates, which were not what I was hoping. The only positive I continued to find was new boobies.
September 25
MRI appointment at noon. The doctor wanted to have an MRI done as a precaution to know exactly what he was dealing with, and to make sure there weren't any "fingers" off the lobular carcinoma. The results wouldn't be known for a couple days.
September 28
1:30 appointment with the Surgeon. The results come in and they aren't any better. The MRI found a SECOND lump behind the first one. If a lumpectomy would be done now 1/3 of the breast could be taken if both lumps were bad. The options at this point were: mastectomy, or have another biopsy to look at the second lump then decide if a lumpectomy with radiation or a mastectomy. As my mom said, "Shit it the fan on September 21st and everything hit the fan on September 28th."
It sucks that I was so curious with all the results. I really didn't have any extra brain space to think about any of this. My Career Fair was tomorrow and I still had to finish re-doing my resume, as well as looking up companies. This year I HAD to leave a good impression with recruiters. I need a job when I graduate and I had to be thinking about that. But how was I supposed to think about the future when my own mother was debating about what path she was going to take with this new journey. I remember the phone call, the stupid phone call when she asked how I was doing with everything. My response? "This sucks, this really really sucks." She kept apologizing; saying she didn't mean to put this all on me. But it wasn't her fault. It was the timing. But I guess what doesn't kill us makes a stronger. I knew I would somehow get through everything, but it wasn't going to be fun or easy. It just sucked because my mom had been getting annual mammogram check-ups since she was 40. She had lost weight, didn't smoke, hardly drank (except the occasional Margarita at La Casa) and no history in our family of breast cancer. So how in the hell did she get cancer?! Was this something I was going to have to worry about in the future? I mean I wouldn't mind new boobies. But I knew late nights and early mornings were ahead of me. And poor Bradley. I just couldn't talk to him. After getting off the phone the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. I wanted to be left alone in attempts to get my mind off everything. I wanted to watch my dumb TV shows and relax, but I couldn't. So I sat back down on the couch to finish my resume.
September 29
Bradley's Birthday. Iowa State's Engineering Career Fair.
I had scheduled a meeting with one of my professors last week. I didn't realize that Tuesday was probably a bad day to do so. My professor is currently battling cancer, and I completely forget which type. But I knew since September 21st that I wanted to sit down and talk to him about everything. From my email alone he knew something was up, but not sure what. I cried, but only 3 Kleenex's worth. He reassured me that my mom didn't get sick on September 21st, she had been sick for longer. And during this time she had been a mother, wife, coworker and more. She had gone on with her normal daily life while being sick. So the most important thing she can do is attempt to have a normal daily life. Easier said then done I thought. My professor was going through weekly chemo treatment and still managed to teach classes with a smile on his face.
The career fair went pretty well, except that I didn't talk to as many companies as I wanted to. Which may be good and bad. The few companies that I talked to were long conversations with lots of smiles and laughs. That evening Bradley and I went to Applebee's to celebrate him getting older and to relax a little. Amber called me right as we pulled in the driveway so I got her caught up with everything that was happening. It's nice to know that even hours apart she still wants to know what's going on and comfort me. I then continued with a night filled with homework and studying. Yay being in college.
September 30
Appointment with Surgeon at 2:15 pm. After deciding not to do the second biopsy and proceeding with the double mastectomy, Mom wanted to meet with the surgeon again to discuss things further. Initally, Mom was thinking 1-2 weeks off work with 2 nights in the hospital.
Side note: While writing this I'm looking at my mom's journal/notes on everything. You only have to know my mom and I for a short while to know that we are the poster child for note-takers. It just what we do. But even trying to decipher her notes is becoming a little difficult. :)
Mom informed me at 7:07 am via text message that she was not going to have the 2nd biopsy done and just go ahead with a double mastectomy. She didn't seem too trilled about new boobies. I told her to schedule the appointment for next week when my schedule wasn't so crazy. I had had enough for the past week. A little break would be nice.
October - Breast Cancer Awareness Month
ironic huh?
October 1
Mom called Christina, the Surgeons nurse, about questions here and there. As mom puts it, this is the day that she broke down realizing how soon everything was going to happen. In 11 short days she would be put on rest and no lifting thing heavier than a milk jug. Apparently most of the time to coordinate the doctors schedules (the surgeon and plastic surgeon) takes a couple weeks, not in this case though.
Mom went to dinner with Tracy to inform her of all the chaos that was happening. She keeps saying that the more people she talks to it gets easier. Jenny, Jamie, and Kyle sent the nicest text messages. Man do I love having numerous brothers and sisters. :)
Late to bed, early to rise. Exam day and lab report due. The only thing I'm attempting to think about is tomorrow. Friday means the last exam and sleep. Sleep. That's all I want at this point...and for my mind to stop being in over-drive. But it won't. Oh no. I'll continue to go on as if nothing is wrong, or so I seem to think.
October 2
Literally got 2 hours of sleep. Drank a Starbucks Frappuccino the night before and a Monster in the morning. Exam from 11-12, then home to sleep. There's is nothing wrong with a nap. Got a text at 12:22 pm saying she found out when she'd meet the plastic surgeon and surgery date. Trying not to think about everything is hard, but much easier when you sleep.
October 5
Mom stopped by tumbling like always, but it was hard not to think that her surgery was only a week away. She usually goes to Zumba on Monday's but after a 'blah' day she wasn't feeling up to it. A pedicure sounded a little bit better. I told her that she should get then painted pink instead of the normal purple color. Though it wasn't much it seemed to brighten up her day a smidge. Thank goodness I don't have much to do this week so I can fully think about how my mom is thinking and feeling.
October 6
1:00 appointment with Plastic Surgeon. Just a simply first meeting to meet each other and discuss the finer details of the surgery. Mom's notebook has a ton of options on what to do. Silicone vs Saline, number of weeks off work, and such. I told mom to ask the surgeon if we could get a deal: buy two boobies, get two free; for me that is!! She later said that the surgeon did crack a smile but didn't say anything
I decided that it was a good day to get my nails done and try to relax some more. I also went with the theme of pink and breast cancer.
October 7
One of the first days without an appointment or a surgery. Not sure if good or bad but somewhat relaxing. Mom and Dad came up for the Iowa State Volleyball game, WHICH THEY WON! We sure do love our Cyclones!! :) It was nice to see her in a decently good mood trying to get her mind off things.
In 5 short days Mom will have her first major surgery. Until then we take it one day at a time.
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." - unknown
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