Oct 12 - Surgery Day, part one

October 12

Surgery Day.

It's here. The day I had been dreading since I knew my mom was getting a double mastectomy. But deep down I knew my mom was dreading this day more. Who in their right mind would look forward to this day. The only good thing about this day was that the doctors were getting this damn thing out of my mom's body. The body of a person that had made me laugh, smile, push me, and comfort me for 22 years was turning against her.

Waking up that morning was too easy. Usually it's been taking me between 45 minutes to an hour to get out of bed. But right when Mom walked into my room after taking her shower I was up. She figured she ought to take one more shower while she could comfortably wash her hair and move with ease. Now I wish I could stay in bed and this day would float on by. But that wasn't going to happen. No matter what. So Dad, Mom, and I gathered up our stuff for the next couple days. Now in Mom and Alison fashion (more Mom though) were left a little late. 

The drive was a quiet, somber one. No one really brought up too much to talk about. About half way through the drive we finally turned on the radio, though it didn't help much. 

We all still knew where we were going and there was no turning back now. In all honesty Mom probably should've drove. We were on the same route that she takes everyday to work. Mom and Dad debated which turn to take though and we got a little off track. All well, a little comic relief is what this car needed. 

Finally arrived at the Hospital. I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad; or even if I'm ready for this day to be mentally and physically draining. But we should be grateful. Grateful that it was caught early and by the end of the day this thing will be taken out once and for all. So for now I attempt to smile and stay upbeat. 

Mom gets checked in with the front desk and we're taken back to the first of many waiting room that we're bound to be in today. Let the day begin with hours of waiting, being patient, and hoping/wishing/praying for the best. 

 7:45 am: we continue to wait until Mom gets taken away. Mom, Dad and I all have our noses buried into our phones, just trying to pass time in the easiest way possible. 
7:55 am: Mom gets called back for something and only one person gets to go, and apparently Dad takes priority over me. Typical. :P
7:57 am: They're back. For now at least. 
8:00 am: Gone again. Possibly pre-surgery stuff. 
8:37 am: Still gone and I've officially seen the entire internet now. Not sure what to do now, so let the blog writing begin. 

 8:42 am: Pager goes off. Head to front desk. Finally get taken back to see my mom one last time before surgery. 

 8:44 am: My mom is hands-down the cutest and most upbeat person in their scrubs. And just so everyone knows, she decided to put do a thumbs up in her pictures. I think it's reassuring to see that she's kicking cancer's butt!!

We continue to wait in this little tiny waiting room. Talking, making jokes, solving the world's problems. You know, typical stuff you do when you have a lot of time. Well we also fiddle with our phones and try to keep updating Facebook to see what everyone else is dong. Mom keeps sending text messages left and right to everyone telling her that they're thinking of her during the surgery. 
At 8:58 am we talk about when Dad was in the hospital and the huge needles that he was being stabbed with. And knowing how much Sheri Moen hates then, we did the only logical thing and sent her a picture of the one in Mom's arm. :) By 9:00 we have to charge her phone due to it being on for the last 3 hours. Boy oh boy it's going to be a long day. 

9:27 am: On her way to get injected with radioactive dye. The dye will "find" the sentinel lymph nodes so the doctor will know which one(s) to take and check for further spread of the cancer. 

10:21 am: Back from radioactive dye. Mom was given this homemade stress ball. This was to help the spread of the dye to the the nodes. The picture doesn't do it justice but it's a small handful of medical gloves inside another glove that blown up a little bit. Mom got a really big kick out of this and couldn't stop laughing then the fingers would pop up. 

11:14 am: Just more waiting. Nurses would come in and see how she's doing. They would ask a bunch of questions. The anesthesiologist came in and he asked if she had been under anesthetics or on any medication. It was interesting watching him solely knowing how smart he is. He never wrote anything down, just remembered everything. 

11:49 am: SURGERY TIME. Mom gets wheeled away and she still in good spirits. Bless her soul. She's been so optimistic and calm through this whole thing. I'm not sure how she hasn't been freaking out or crying during this whole time. She truly is a strong woman. Dad and I watch mom go the opposite direction and that's our cue to leave to find something for lunch. We hope in the car and start driving somewhere. Our destination: unknown. 

12:00 pm: Finally I come up with the GREATEST idea. Tasty Taco!!! For all of you that haven't been to the Des Moines area and don't know what that is, I'm sorry. But it's pretty much the most delicious Mexican restaurant ever. The flour tacos are so fluffy and mouth watering. Afterwards I head to work, strictly because I needed to do my time sheet. Only problem, Dad dropped me off while everyone else was at lunch, including my supervisor. He needed to sign off on my hours, so I attempted to be productive but it didn't work since my mind was else where. I somewhat get a few things done around the office, though it may have been minimal. A couple of co-workers stopped by my cubicle and were surprised to see me. They asked how my mom was doing, but at that point there wasn't much I could say. I kept it as positive as I could with "well she was smiling before surgery."

1:30 pm: Dad and I arrive back at the hospital. We've been shown yet another waiting room. But this one was full of other family members. The more I looked around the more I saw the worried faces. Everyone had to be thinking the same thing - How long had my family member been in surgery? Was it going well? Are they going to be out soon? When do we hear from the doctor(s)? I wonder what those people are in here for? Are they going threw cancer as well? Man I sure hope not. That would really stink. Cancer sucks, like it fucking sucks. 

Dad managed to set us down in a spot so I had plenty of room to sprawl out, that man sure has payed attention whenever I come home from college. :) I took over the entire couch and coffee table while he sat quietly in a chair. We were given this pager upon check-in that enables the doctors to get a hold of us. Now they should only contact us 3 times while Mom is in surgery: once after the first doctor is done, once after the second doctor is done, and lastly when she's ready to go up to her room.






I entertain myself with continuing to write my blog because there is no way I'll be able to work on homework. Between Mom's phone and mine, we got text messages throughout the afternoon asking how she was doing or people thinking of her. Man that lady definitely has a lot of people checking in on her. 

2:08 pm: Dad and I get paged!!! This is such a fabulous sign! Considering that Mom didn't get wheeled back to surgery until a little before noon, we didn't expect to hear back from the 1st doctor until around 3 o'clock.

 He didn't have anything but good news to tell us. He told us that the tumors hadn't spread through the chest wall, therefore the possibility of no chemo or radiation may come true!! EEK!! :) The radioactive dye that was injected earlier travels through Mom's body and the first place it comes to is the sentinel lymph nodes. It is standard procedure to have a sentinel lymph node biopsy on the same side of the tumors, which was the right. Since the dye had 'found' 4 lymph nodes, the doctor took them all out and sent them to testing. The first test being done was cutting them in half and seeing if either side was malignant or benign. The doctor had informed us that the initial test came back negative for cancer. I couldn't hide my happiness, this was such a relief!!! I definitely think Dad was feeling a little bit better after this news as well. But back into the waiting room we go for more waiting. I send out a mass text to Mom's friends, family, and co-workers of the update from the doctor. Man, that lady sure does have a lot of people looking out for her. 

 
2:44 pm: Pager goes off a second time. This means that the surgery is done! Holy cow, it had gone by ssoooooo fast! The second doctor had relieved our thoughts and presented us the same good news. He had given Mom 'fillers' which were placed under her chest muscles. This in itself sounds so painful and somewhat unnerving, but I know my Mom will pull through this with very little complaints. I'm so thankful that Mom had done very well while in surgery, now just waiting for her to wake up.




“Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.” -Unknown

Oct 11

October 11

One more day. That's it. In 24 hours Mom would be in surgery and pain.

I didn't initially know what I was going to do today. I had homework that needed to be done, but I've been known to put that off and find other things to do. Dad went on a motorcycle ride all day, so it was just me, mom, and the animals around the house. We all had woken up at a pretty decent time so who knows what I was going to come up with to procrastinate homework.

I think I let Mom finish her breakfast when I had decided that we would need to rearrange the front room. I forget when it was discussed that she was probably going to have to sleep in the recliner for at least a couple days, and the placement in the room just wasn't ideal. So I start cleaning, vacuuming, dusting, and rearranging. I had the front room looking like a tornado had gone through it when I thought it would be a good idea to bring in the other wooden bookshelf that was in the shed inside. Mom didn't say no. Actually I think she said that it would probably be better now when the front room was in the processing of rearranging then any other time. So away I went, out to the shed. 

After finally managing to get the door open and seeing a mouse run between the things, I asked Mom for help. With mouse dropping everywhere and the shed smelling like urine, we were almost ready to venture inside. When we decided that it was better late than never, we conjured up all of our strength and courage and got that darn bookcase out of there. While attempting to get items down from the top of the bookshelf I had to stand on top of a workout bench. I kept saying that I didn't want to stand and see a mouse looking eye to eye with me. I told Mom that I would be pushing her down just to get out of there. But thankfully we had an uneventful time getting the it out of the shed. We probably looked like idiots wheeling a dolly cart and a shelf with no strap across our lawn, but oh-well. I cleaned it up with soap and water and some wood polishing before we got the strength to bring it inside. Now mind you, Mom and I both aren't very tall, I have on fake nails and she has long fingernails. We could hardly find a place to comfortably grip the bookcase for more than a few steps, but we managed. Watching Mom attempt to walk the shelf while inside the house was so comical. Picture this, the bookshelf is horizontal and mom is waddling like a penguin carrying this thing. I tell ya, I wasn't much help while I was bent over at the waist laughing at her. Poor Mom. 

But no worries, we had managed to get the front room halfway finished when Tracy, Sheri, and Mema came over to deliver frozen meals and a little relaxation. They overlooked my destruction of the front room and ventured to the put the meals away. We all talked out on deck for awhile, mostly about random stuff but some dealing with what to expect when having a surgery. The weather that day was a little windy, but overall nice. After about an hour and a half they thought they should be on their way. 

Mom and I finally got the front room mostly cleaned up when Dad rolled home around 5 o'clock. A little more relaxation and putting everything else away was in order. I kept telling mom all day, "you didn't think I was going to let you do nothing all day today now did you?!" or "you didn't think I was going to give you a day off on your last day now did you?!" I think she appreciated staying busy and keeping her mind off things for the most part.

My rest of the night was pretty boring, I just watched TV and did homework. But Mom was up until 1:30 packing her hospital bag, reading Pinterest Pins that Tracy had sent her, making to-do lists, and just doing the typical things she does every other night. 

But this night was different. This was the last night in awhile that she could do stuff without asking for help, lift items that were heavier than a gallon of milk, and move around with ease. So finally letting her have some time to herself is probably what she needed best. Now tomorrow was going to be a different story.


"Sometimes things happen that we don't understand. These things sometimes become the doors and windows to our destiny." - Andrea Nugent

Oct 8 - 10

The Days Are Limited

4 short days. That's all my mom has with her boobies. One of the things that defines her as a woman. It's unfair. How can something turn against you in a year? How do you go from being healthy to being sick in a short time? It's just not fair and it sucks. 

People will reassuring me that my mom's strong and she'll be alright, but will she? How do you know? 

1 in 8. Sorry for my language, but what in the hell kind of odds are those?! Do other countries have the same chances that us Americans have to getting some sort of cancer. Like seriously, what are we doing that causing so many people to get cancer? Again, it sucks and it's not fair. But as my 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Koch would say, "The fair's in August." So I guess we just have to deal the cards we're dealt. 

October 8

Nothing's changed. She's still getting a double mastectomy on Monday. Stupid breast cancer. I've talked to one of my good friends that's in practically all my classes about what's been going on the past 3 weeks. She's one of the best people at listening and not asking many questions. She went through hell week and understood why I was having a tough time through the school work and family issues. She didn't give me a hard time for not having work done and helping me when it was obvious that I just couldn't do anymore. But thank goodness I don't have any urgent homework to do tonight. I'll just continue to watch my mindless TV shows and relax. 

Apparently Mom went to the ITC Parent meeting tonight. I'm honestly not sure why because you'd think that after 18 years with the same gym that she could probably conduct the meeting herself. She probably went to it to get out of the house and not think about anything for a little while. But can you blame her? Not really. 

October 9

Friday, no not Friday. Friday means that I pack my bags to go home for the weekend to be there for my mom when she has surgery. Usually I look forward to Fridays, but not today. I wish I could push everything off for another week, or years and just erase everything that's happened. But that won't happen. So I have to think of what I'm going to want for the next few days. I usually always over-pack. Hey, I got it from my momma, are you surprised?! So I packed every outfit imaginable, and shoes, and jewelry, and extra stuff. :) I also had to think of anything else that Mom was going to want. Was she going to want to watch movies that I have, or read any books? Pack them anyway. Like I always say, "It's better to have something and not need it, then need something and not have it." 

After I get home and run a couple errands with Dad, we go back home and wait for Mom to get there. And we wait...and we wait. Mom had told me that she was going to stop by Wal-Mart and Hy-Vee before coming home, with food might I add, so Dad and I just continue to wait. She finally arrived home after 8 o'clock with groceries galore. My mom probably had things that needed to be done before Monday, but in good ole' Alison fashion I found a movie on. Dad and I watched The Internship while Mom put groceries away and maybe got a couple of things done. But she made the mistake of coming back into the family room right when I conveniently turned on Ocean's Eleven. I mean, come on, how can a person walk away from such a great movie?! I sucked Mom into the movie for a little while until she had the willpower to go into the other room and get things done. Bless her soul. 

October 10

2 days. 

Before I came down Mom asked if I wanted to go to Zumba. I politely declined but said I would go walk with her at the Y. However, we decided to sleep in. :) A lazy morning means watching TV while mom 'piddles' around the house doing more last minute things. Dad decided to mow the lawn while I continued to be a lazy bum. Around noon Mom and Dad take our cat to the vet to make sure there was nothing wrong with her. 

The night before we were all discussing that Mom would come in only during the good parts of Ocean's Eleven (which is practically the whole movie for those of you that haven't seen it). And that only the good parts of Top Gun was also the whole movie. But wouldn't you know it, I just happened to find Top Gun on TV. What are the chances!! So of course, I told Mom and she came running in from the kitchen to watch it. Thank goodness there were commercial breaks so she could still manage to get some stuff done. But let me tell you this, she was back in the kitchen trying to get stuff done and she was missing the beach volleyball scene!!! I mentioned this to her and she came running into the living room to watch it. Because we all know that's one of the best parts. 

Later that night we had a little bonfire going. Jim and Tracy Steffen, and Stacy Konz and kiddos all stopped by. It was so nice seeing everyone and discussing a little bit of everything. Besides it being a little windy it was comforting being around the fire and so warm. Even after everyone had left we stayed out there for a little while longer trying to solve the worlds problems because we were over our own. 



"Don't confuse your path with your destination. Just because it's stormy now doesn't mean you aren't headed for sunshine." - unknown

Sept 18 - Oct 7

Cancer. A six letter word that you wish to never hear in your life, let alone to someone that you know you couldn't live without. 

I'm not starting this blog in order to be trendy. Just how all of this information has been from my point of view. I will try my best to keep everyone updated this way to get the information out. 

Breast Cancer

Breast cancer is a disease in which malignant (cancer) cells form in the tissues of the breast. The damaged cells can invade surrounding tissue, but with early detection and treatment, most people continue a normal life.

My mother has been diagnosed with Invasive Lobular Carcinoma. She has decided through numerous debate to have a double mastectomy on Monday, October 11, 2015. 

By no means has this been easy to comprehend, talk about, think about, or even imagine going through it. Everything has happened so fast that I'm not sure how to wrap my head around it half the time. 

September 18

Mom goes to her appointment for her first biopsy. I didn't know at the time that she was having a biopsy. I guess I thought she was just having a surgery to see what was going with her. Little did I know that my family's world would be flipped upside down in a few days.  

September 21

Monday. I was thinking about the results from her surgery all day at school, work, and tumbling. I decided not to text or call her during the day because I knew she would show up to tumbling, like always, and I'd ask her there in person. As she was standing at the coach's desk INSIDE the gym, I bravely asked her what the results were. I'm not sure how she didn't burst out crying or how I didn't fall to the ground right there. The results came back positive for cancer. The only thing I could think of that was a tiny bit positive was NEW BOOBIES!!! Though it probably wasn't the best reaction, it was the only thing I could think of. My mom smiled, not only that but laughed. She said that was the first time she had laughed all day and probably the only time in upcoming weeks. I managed to go back to tumbling like nothing was wrong and it was just another day. In all honesty, it was probably good that I was at tumbling since it's such a good distraction for me. It's about one of the only places that I only think about the thing I'm surrounded by and not everything else in my life. Usually I look forward to my drive back to Ames since I find it quiet relaxing, but not tonight. I wanted to be home. To pretend that this day hadn't happened. That the results had been different. But nothing was going to change that. I don't even remember if I told my boyfriend the results when I finally got back home, knowing me I probably didn't. 

 September 22

School was normal on Tuesday, except the slight fact that I was going to have to juggle devastating news and school. And school the next two weeks was going to be hell. Between homework, exams, labs, and the career fair, I would now be keeping tabs on my mom. 

September 23

2:15 appointment to meet with Surgeon. Mom (and Dad) found out exactly which "type" of breast cancer Mom has. Invasive Lobular Carcinoma impacts 10% of all the cases, not exactly a 'fun' statistic. There's two choices Mom could take: a mastectomy or a lumpectomy and radiation. 

I text Mom later at night once I have finally started to relax from my day to see how the appointment went. She called and gave me the updates, which were not what I was hoping. The only positive I continued to find was new boobies.
 

September 25

MRI appointment at noon. The doctor wanted to have an MRI done as a precaution to know exactly what he was dealing with, and to make sure there weren't any "fingers" off the lobular carcinoma. The results wouldn't be known for a couple days. 

September 28

1:30 appointment with the Surgeon. The results come in and they aren't any better. The MRI found a SECOND lump behind the first one. If a lumpectomy would be done now 1/3 of the breast could be taken if both lumps were bad. The options at this point were: mastectomy, or have another biopsy to look at the second lump then decide if a lumpectomy with radiation or a mastectomy. As my mom said, "Shit it the fan on September 21st and everything hit the fan on September 28th." 

It sucks that I was so curious with all the results. I really didn't have any extra brain space to think about any of this. My Career Fair was tomorrow and I still had to finish re-doing my resume, as well as looking up companies. This year I HAD to leave a good impression with recruiters. I need a job when I graduate and I had to be thinking about that. But how was I supposed to think about the future when my own mother was debating about what path she was going to take with this new journey. I remember the phone call, the stupid phone call when she asked how I was doing with everything. My response? "This sucks, this really really sucks." She kept apologizing; saying she didn't mean to put this all on me. But it wasn't her fault. It was the timing. But I guess what doesn't kill us makes a stronger. I knew I would somehow get through everything, but it wasn't going to be fun or easy. It just sucked because my mom had been getting annual mammogram check-ups since she was 40. She had lost weight, didn't smoke, hardly drank (except the occasional Margarita at La Casa) and no history in our family of breast cancer. So how in the hell did she get cancer?! Was this something I was going to have to worry about in the future? I mean I wouldn't mind new boobies. But I knew late nights and early mornings were ahead of me. And poor Bradley. I just couldn't talk to him. After getting off the phone the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. I wanted to be left alone in attempts to get my mind off everything. I wanted to watch my dumb TV shows and relax, but I couldn't. So I sat back down on the couch to finish my resume. 

September 29

Bradley's Birthday. Iowa State's Engineering Career Fair.

I had scheduled a meeting with one of my professors last week. I didn't realize that Tuesday was probably a bad day to do so. My professor is currently battling cancer, and I completely forget which type. But I knew since September 21st that I wanted to sit down and talk to him about everything. From my email alone he knew something was up, but not sure what. I cried, but only 3 Kleenex's worth. He reassured me that my mom didn't get sick on September 21st, she had been sick for longer. And during this time she had been a mother, wife, coworker and more. She had gone on with her normal daily life while being sick. So the most important thing she can do is attempt to have a normal daily life. Easier said then done I thought. My professor was going through weekly chemo treatment and still managed to teach classes with a smile on his face. 

The career fair went pretty well, except that I didn't talk to as many companies as I wanted to. Which may be good and bad. The few companies that I talked to were long conversations with lots of smiles and laughs. That evening Bradley and I went to Applebee's to celebrate him getting older and to relax a little. Amber called me right as we pulled in the driveway so I got her caught up with everything that was happening. It's nice to know that even hours apart she still wants to know what's going on and comfort me. I then continued with a night filled with homework and studying. Yay being in college.

September 30

Appointment with Surgeon at 2:15 pm. After deciding not to do the second biopsy and proceeding with the double mastectomy, Mom wanted to meet with the surgeon again to discuss things further. Initally, Mom was thinking 1-2 weeks off work with 2 nights in the hospital.

Side note: While writing this I'm looking at my mom's journal/notes on everything. You only have to know my mom and I for a short while to know that we are the poster child for note-takers. It just what we do. But even trying to decipher her notes is becoming a little difficult. :)

 

Mom informed me at 7:07 am via text message that she was not going to have the 2nd biopsy done and just go ahead with a double mastectomy. She didn't seem too trilled about new boobies. I told her to schedule the appointment for next week when my schedule wasn't so crazy. I had had enough for the past week. A little break would be nice.

October - Breast Cancer Awareness Month 

ironic huh?

October 1

Mom called Christina, the Surgeons nurse, about questions here and there. As mom puts it, this is the day that she broke down realizing how soon everything was going to happen. In 11 short days she would be put on rest and no lifting thing heavier than a milk jug. Apparently most of the time to coordinate the doctors schedules (the surgeon and plastic surgeon) takes a couple weeks, not in this case though. 

Mom went to dinner with Tracy to inform her of all the chaos that was happening. She keeps saying that the more people she talks to it gets easier. Jenny, Jamie, and Kyle sent the nicest text messages. Man do I love having numerous brothers and sisters. :)

Late to bed, early to rise. Exam day and lab report due. The only thing I'm attempting to think about is tomorrow. Friday means the last exam and sleep. Sleep. That's all I want at this point...and for my mind to stop being in over-drive. But it won't. Oh no. I'll continue to go on as if nothing is wrong, or so I seem to think.

October 2 

Literally got 2 hours of sleep. Drank a Starbucks Frappuccino the night before and a Monster in the morning. Exam from 11-12, then home to sleep. There's is nothing wrong with a nap. Got a text at 12:22 pm saying she found out when she'd meet the plastic surgeon and surgery date. Trying not to think about everything is hard, but much easier when you sleep. 

October 5

Mom stopped by tumbling like always, but it was hard not to think that her surgery was only a week away. She usually goes to Zumba on Monday's but after a 'blah' day she wasn't feeling up to it. A pedicure sounded a little bit better. I told her that she should get then painted pink instead of the normal purple color. Though it wasn't much it seemed to brighten up her day a smidge. Thank goodness I don't have much to do this week so I can fully think about how my mom is thinking and feeling. 

 

October 6

 1:00 appointment with Plastic Surgeon. Just a simply first meeting to meet each other and discuss the finer details of the surgery. Mom's notebook has a ton of options on what to do. Silicone vs Saline, number of weeks off work, and such. I told mom to ask the surgeon if we could get a deal: buy two boobies, get two free; for me that is!! She later said that the surgeon did crack a smile but didn't say anything

I decided that it was a good day to get my nails done and try to relax some more. I also went with the theme of pink and breast cancer.

 

October 7

 One of the first days without an appointment or a surgery. Not sure if good or bad but somewhat relaxing. Mom and Dad came up for the Iowa State Volleyball game, WHICH THEY WON! We sure do love our Cyclones!! :)  It was nice to see her in a decently good mood trying to get her mind off things. 

In 5 short days Mom will have her first major surgery. Until then we take it one day at a time. 

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." - unknown